Hawa1'1, Day 3: "How to Speak Hawaiian Like a Haole."

We wake up this morning a little confused and disoriented -- it's the next day already?! After gathering ourselves, however, we decide that today's going to be a relaxation day; it seems fairly obvious that we need a bit of rest after the lack of sleep we had over the past couple of days.

Bearing that in mind, we go to the free buffet breakfast that our hotel offers... it's a "welcome breakfast" where they talk about the special deals they offer for tours, and the free lessons they offer, and the magic show they host and for which we can buy discounted tickets; it feels much like a timeshare spiel, except with tours and shows instead of condos, but hey, free food!

So we sit and listen to Sam (actual Hawaiian name unpronounceable) talk about how we can spend our money while we help ourselves to scrambled eggs, Portuguese sausage, crispy fried potatoes, fresh fruit, and Danishes to go with our coffee and ice water. It's very good for a free breakfast, and Sam is entertaining enough, so a nice time is had.

Afterwards, we go back to our room and put on swimwear, then head out to the adjacent beach. We stop by the rental kiosk and rent a cabana for a partial day, then spend the next several hours relaxing on the shaded lounge chairs on the sand; enjoying the view, and snoozing, and reading books we brought along for the occasion, and shaking our heads judgmentally at the people we see walking along the beach talking on their cell phones and gesticulating wildly, and playing in the water, and getting a little sunburned because I'm unused to the aerosol sunscreen we bought and end up missing parts of my farmer's-tan shoulders and my non-driver's-side-of-the-car arm.

For lunch, we go to the hotel's courtyard and have a seat at the Tiki Grill. We share teriyaki beef skewers, Lucie has a fruit salad, and I opt for the extremely Hawaiian Reuben sandwich. YES, the Reuben sandwich is authentic Hawaiian -- what else says "Polynesia" than thousand island dressing?

After lunch, we head to the free lesson we signed up for, the Hawaiian language class. It's hosted -- like all of the culture seminars at the Kā'anapali Beach Hotel -- by one of the employees, in this case a nice woman named Malihini. She walks us through basic pronunciation (vowels and consonants pronounced very much like Spanish, with the exception of the w ["veh" instead of "double you"] which can be either a v or a w sound) and many of the basic words (aloha, mahalo, pupu, humuhumunukunukuapua'a), and other essentials such as diphthongs and accents. It's a fun and informative class, and Malihini is warm and encouraging and entertaining ("and I was born here, even though "malihini" means "newcomer", she admonishes), and we like her. Heck, we've liked everyone we've met here; that's one of the great things about Hawai'i.

It's also one of the great things about the Kā'anapali Beach Hotel... as previously mentioned, it's called "Hawaii's Most Hawaiian Hotel." They received that moniker from other groups (Waiaha Foundation, and the Hawaiian Tourism Authority) in large part because of their employees' actions... welcoming songs sung at the welcome breakfast and (at their request) Fridays in the lobby; carving a single hull outrigger canoe and hundreds of other authentic Hawaiian traditional items; offering free hula and Hawaiian language and lei-making and other lessons; planting and maintaining traditional flower gardens... they were even named as one of President George H. W. Bush's "Points of Light."

After the language lesson, we rest for a bit, then walk to Whalers Village just down the way -- there's a paved walkway along this stretch of beach called the Kā'anapali Beachwalk so we stroll to the shops while enjoying the beach view. Once at Whalers Village we make a few stops at some of the stores (The Honolulu Cookie Company for -- surprise! -- cookies, and Soul Lei for a honu pendant for Lucie) before going to the Hula Grill for a sunset dinner.


We have a very nice view -- apart from all of the tourists along the Beachwalk who end up in our way -- and a very nice ambience -- apart from all of the noise and screaming children -- as we enjoy our dinner. Our appetizer of kalhua pork potstickers is yummy, Lucie's entree of macadamia nut crusted moonfish is juicy, and my fire seared ahi is cooked perfectly; Lucie's "Hana hou" (a concoction of vodka, ginger honey, liliko'i, iced tea, and lemonade) and my "Kā'anapali cooler" (gin, ginger syrup, mint, and lemonade) and liliko'i mojito are cold and refreshing, and make the screaming children a little more tolerable as we watch the sun set from our table.

After dinner, we walk back to our hotel and sit at a table near the stage, where the slack key guitar band is once again playing songs. We request Hawaiian Suppa Man from Iz and Drop Baby Drop from Sean Na'auao, both of which receive appreciative nods from the band as they hear them called out. We order piña coladas from the courtyard's Tiki Bar (located right next to the Tiki Grill where we had lunch) and listen to the band until they retire for the evening, and chat with the band afterwards; they ask if we're kama'aina and we regretfully say no. When they hear that we're from San Jose, they perk up a bit and ask if the store Sun Jose Hawaii is still around (it isn't) and we ask if they've played the Hukilau (they have, but the San Francisco location, not the one in Japantown)... Turns out the bassist has a relative living in the Bay Area, so as far as they're concerned we're practically ohana.

We pay for the drinks ("charge it to our room" are five words that go very well together) and head upstairs for the night, full and happy and feeling welcomed and just maybe slightly tipsy. It's been a good day.

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Hawa1'1, Day 2: "Up Before the Sun."

Our second day in Hawai'i begins shortly after our first day ends -- just about 45 minutes afterward, as a matter of fact. Our guide for the Haleakala sunrise tour is scheduled to pick us up shortly before 2AM, which means we get up shortly before 1AM... which means it was probably a mistake to go to bed at 11:30PM, but it's a bit late to change that.

We manage to get to the lobby only one minute late and meet our tour guide from Temptation Tours, Eric. His entertaining monologues and offerings of local trivia and really just his overall personality remind Lucie of Crush, the turtle from Finding Nemo, so that's how she refers to him (to me at least) for the rest of the day.

As we drive to our next stop where Eric/Crush is to pick up some more passengers in or limo van, he regales us with various trivia about Haleakala, Maui, and the cities through which we drive, such as:
-There's a 3-degree drop in temperature for every 1000 feet in elevation on the extinct volcano, meaning that at the summit of just over 10,000 feet it'll be 30 degrees colder than it is now, and that 40MPH winds at the top are not uncommon;
-Approx. 92% of everything in Hawai'i has been introduced by man -- this includes such "Hawaiian" things as pineapple, plumeria, sugar cane, and birds of paradise;
-Wailea is Hawaiian for "waters of Lea" (the canoe goddess);
-Likewise Kalahaku means "eye of the clouds" and Puka'alakea means "hole to heaven";
-Haleakala, actually Haleakalā, means "House of the Sun"

He also entertains us with various of his favorite lines such as having PMA (for Positive Mental Attitude), or his weather report of "Welcome to Maui -- the weather will be partly cloudy, with temperatures between 76 and 84, for the next 85 years..."

After we stop and pick up the other passengers (a family of four staying at the Grand Wailea, in Wailea), we begin our ascent to the summit. Eric points out some wild deer feeding in a golf course along the way -- axis deer, African in origin and introduced into Hawaii as a gift to King Kamehameha by Hong Kong in the 1800s, and brought from Moloka'i to Maui around 1960 for hunting. We also see a small wildfire by the side of the road, and Eric calls 911 to report it. The father of the family tries to make a joke and suggests that the deer had started the fire, and before I can make my planned deer-related pun that arson doesn't bring in the big bucks, Lucie quips that they were deer, not Camels. Outpunned by my wife -- curses! And it was a great pun, too, although only the wife seems to get it since after a few seconds she gives a quick bark of laughter and everyone else remains silent. Sigh.

We make a quick stop at a roadside coffee stand in the city of Kula (no espresso machine, so I get a cup of coffee since it's only 3:30AM at this point) and continue our drive. We reach the viewing point on Haleakalā around 4:45. The elevation here is 9740 feet, and there are no clouds to be found this high -- we've already passed through the cloud layer on the drive up. The temperature is surprisingly mild compared to what we were expecting -- somewhere around 45 degrees, with only a slight breeze. The view of the stars, however, is just breathtaking -- we have a clear view of the huge expanse of the Milky Way, with no city lights or airborne pollution impeding our view.

I have never seen more stars in the sky in my life; nor has Lucie.

We spend the next hour or so bundled in our warm clothes, huddled together for warmth, splitting our time between looking at the stars and watching the horizon, as the sky gradually turns from black to midnight blue, to royal blue, then continues from blue to peach as sunrise nears. As the sky lightens, we're also able to see more of the caldera of Haleakalā beneath us. We're standing at the edge of a sheer dropoff, with the caldera floor 3000 feet below us. The far edge of the crater is 7000 feet away, but without any trees or manmade structures in the crater, the distances are very deceiving... It looks like it's only a thousand feet or so at most in diameter, and maybe a few hundred feet down. The reddish hue of the rocks, an artifact of the presence of iron oxide, makes the landscape almost look like that of Mars.

Finally, at 6:05, the Sun begins to make its appearance. From behind us, a group of elders begins their traditional chant welcoming the Sun.


E ala e
Ka la i kahikina
I ka moana
Ka moana hohonu
Pi’i ka lewa
Ka lewa nu’u
I kahikina
Aia ka la.
E ala e!


(Awaken/Arise
The Sun in the East
From the ocean
The ocean deep
Climbing (to) the heaven
The heaven highest
In the East
There is the Sun
Awaken!)


The sky is clear, the sunrise is amazing, and it's something that we will remember forever. It's not just seeing a sunrise, it's seeing the Sun rise from one of the tallest places in Hawai'i, and one of the most untouched by man; it's the combination of seeing one of the most beautiful things in nature, in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and on this particular day with one of the best viewing conditions possible.



We admire the sunrise for a while, then Eric takes us further up to the summit itself, 10,023 feet above sea level. We walk through the information cabin at the top, reading about the weather conditions on Maui and why some parts of the island are bone dry while others are straight-out rain forest, and about the fact that there are supposedly nēnē living around here, which as ALL know is a total scam and there are no such things as nēnē, and about such rare plants such as the silversword which is endemic to Hawai'i, and -- Lucie nudges me and points down to the parking area and we see some birds down there, which look kind of like... OMG!!! NĒNĒ!

We scoot out of the cabin and take the stairs down to the parking area as quickly as we can -- which, given my bad knee and the fact that we're almost two miles up and there's not all that much oxygen up here so it's a little difficult to breathe when we exert ourselves, isn't really all that quickly -- as I take picture after picture with my iPhone.

Trying to look inconspicuous and as native as possible so the nēnē won't catch on that they're supposed to be hiding from us, we get closer to our quarry, whistling Hawaiian songs nonchalantly as I pretend to play Angry Birds while actually taking picture after picture... we see Crush -- sorry, Eric -- nearby and tell him excitedly about what we'd seen. "Yep," he tells us happily, "those are chukars, originally brought to Hawai'i in the 1930s, and introduced to Maui in 1954; those guys are everywhere up here."

D'ohh. D'ohh!!. Already in my mind I can hear the laughter of the Hawaiians at the big tie-dye-wearing haole falling for their big prank. I'm pretty sure that right now the chukars are guffawing and giving each other high fives (or high feathers, or whatever it's called when birds do it -- I'm pretty sure there's a specific term for it.)

After a few moments of soul-crushing humiliation at actually allowing myself to believe in the presence of the nēnē, we soothe our feelings by taking pictures of the silversword plants. Haleakalā silverswords are endemic, or found nowhere else on earth than on this mountain; once the silversword's flower stalk blooms, which can be anywhere in the plant's lifecycle from 5 to 50 years, the flowers bloom for just a month or two before the stalk and the plant then shrivel and die. Needless to say, because of both this reproduction method and the extreme conditions in which the plant grows (and the clueless or willfully ignorant tourists who cross the erected barriers and walk near the plants, ruining the root systems and killing the plants before they can bloom) these plants are extremely rare.

We take some more pictures of the summit, the silverswords, and the science city nearby inhabited by NASA workers who use the summit buildings for infrared laser and satellite studies, but NOT of the chukars, who are still chirping hysterically and mooning me, and then we head down the mountain. Since we'd talked about seeing nēnē with Eric, he makes a small detour on the way down and stops at a few places to see if he can find any. We see plovers, more chukars, and even a wild pheasant, but (of course!) none of the fabled and imaginary nēnē. We do get a very nice above-the-clouds view of the town of Puka'alakea ("hole to heaven", remember?), named such because a vortex of air currents created by the valley between Maui's mountains creates a huge circle of clouds with an open spot directly above the city. It's a much more impressive view from up here than it is from ground level.

We stop once again in Kula, at the same location where we stopped for coffee on the way up. As part of the tour, we're getting breakfast at the Kula Lodge, owned by the wife of the guy who runs the coffee stand. I sense a bit of a cooperative deal here, but after the awesome experience we just had (sunrise, not nēnē) I'm not bothered at all. After a short walk through the garden where they have ivy, roses, and protea growing on a steep hillside with an amazing view of the Maui coast far below us, we sit down for breakfast. I have cinnamon raisin French toast with coconut syrup and Lucie has a classic breakfast with eggs, toast, potatoes, and ham, and we both have coffee. Lots of coffee... at this point, because of the early flight yesterday and the time change, and the late night last night combined with with the early morning today, we're running on about two hours of sleep in the last 30-plus hours, and I'm getting too old for that stuff.

After the breakfast -- which was tasty and very large, and came with an impressive view of Maui and the Pacific Ocean -- we head next door to a protea shop and I buy my mom a bouquet for a belated birthday present, then head on down again into Kahului, then across the island to our hotel. Along the way, Eric gives us more running commentary about the island... all of the sugar cane growing around Kahului is actually a loss crop -- the Baldwin family (not associated with Alec or Stephen or, sadly, Adam) who own the majority of the land at best break even with the sugar produced (which gets turned into turbinado sugar products like Sugar in the Raw) but they want Maui to remain agricultural instead of selling the land for condominiums, a desire I wholeheartedly support.

He also points out a huge building located halfway up a mountain, a large pink structure originally designed by Frank Lloyd Wright as a 7,000 square foot home but adapted into the 74,000 square foot building it is now, used as a clubhouse for the King Kamehameha Golf Club. Originally named Crownfield, FLW had originally designed the home for a family in Fort Worth, Texas, which ended up being scrapped; then adapted it for an official in the Mexican government to be built in Acapulco before those plans were scrapped; then redesigned it again to be build in Connecticut for Marilyn Monroe before those plans were scrapped; then finally the building plan was eventually purchased in 1988 by a group of Japanese businessmen and redesigned by Wright's firm to fit the current setup.

Eric drops us off in front of the Kā'anapali Beach Hotel lobby at approximately 12:00; we thank him profusely for such an incredible experience, and he leaves to take the other passengers back to their lodgings. We briefly consider going upstairs to sleep, but it's about lunchtime and we're both famished, so instead we pick up our car from valet and head off in search of food.

We drive down the highway from Kā'anapali to Lāhaina (Hawaiian for "merciless sun", a fitting name for this oceanfront but scalding city) and drive along the popular Front Street to see if there's anything that looks good. Unfortunately, everything here seems so tourist-based that there's really nothing that says Hawai'i to us... there's a Bubba Gump Shrimp Company, a Hard Rock Cafe, a Dairy Queen and Orange Julius... honestly, to my slightly cynical and definitely sleep-deprived eyes, it's really not all that different from what we could find in Monterey other than the impressive and rightly famous banyan tree; and we sort of want something a little more of what the locals would eat, so we continue on down the road.

After a wonderfully scenic but seemingly long drive, we end up in the city of Kihei, where Lucie's read about an eatery named WokStar that has a devoted Yelp following. Sounds good to me, so we hunt for a bit and eventually track the place down. It's a sort of hole in the wall joint, easy to miss unless you're looking for it; but the menu is impressive and I'm immediately liking the place based solely on an "I (heart) sriracha" sticker I spot on the cash register. We order and have a seat outside under the awning, and the food comes out to us shortly.



For appetizers, we pick the chicken satay skewers and the potstickers -- the peanut sauce is tasty and the chili sauce they have on the table goes very well with the potstickers. For the entree, Lucie's teriyaki stir fry has udon noodles cooked with bean sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, spinach, and other fresh veggies with a plum-ginger teriyaki sauce; my 13 Dolla' Salad is a huge mound of greens, tomato, carrots, broccoli, spiced stir-fried tofu, bacon, and shrimp tossed in a Thai vinaigrette -- it's a delicious combination of flavors, enormous in size, and (if you ignore the bacon) remarkably healthy for me to actually enjoy as much as I do. We both have water to drink, and Lucie also buys me an iced Thai coffee, the caffeine and sugar of which helps my alertness to the point where I feel awake enough to drive back to the hotel.

We return to our hotel at 4PM (at this point working on 2 hours of sleep in the last 40 hours,) manage to make it upstairs to our room, and plan to lie down for a brief nap before dinner. That's the last thing we remember until we wake up the next morning.

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Hawa1'1, Day 1: "Maui. Maui is What Bwings us Togethah... Today."

Okay, so yeah... I've been wanting to use that as a title since our first trip to the islands.

Our third trip to the Islands starts the same way as it has the other two times -- Dean from our friends at On Time Limousine picks us up at 5:00 for a 7:20 flight. He remembers us, we remember him, and we enjoy a calm (since we don't have to drive to Oakland on a Monday morning) ride to Oakland International Airport while he entertains us talking about his opinions on early mornings, late nights, and long-distance relationships.

Our trip out to Hawai'i this time around is on Alaska Airlines -- they'd just started offering flights from OAK - HNL our last trip, but they've since also started flying direct to OGG, the main airport in Maui (called OGG since it's named after Bertram Hogg, aviation pioneer who flew for what is now Hawaiian Airlines), and since their outgoing trip prices are better than Hawaiian, and since Lucie is pretty darn good with getting the best deal possible, they're getting our business.

The trip through the TSA Fear & Humiliation Zone is uneventful; I've learned from my previous flights not to wear real shoes or anything that requires a belt, so my drawstring shorts and Crocs not only allow me to cruise through the metal detector and full-body scanner without a hitch, they also give me a fun "Crocs on a Plane" reference. Yay for me!

Our first class flight out is -- for the most part -- calming and relaxing. Offerings of iced beverages (I start drinking POG immediately, to get into the Island frame of mind), gourmet meals (fruit salads and pastries, and Lucie has the sweet potato and pecan Hawaiian bread pudding with asparagus and chicken sausage link while I opt for the asiago and Maui onion quiche with Portuguese sausage), and in-flight entertainment (Lucie's choice being Red Riding Hood and mine Rio) just about make up for the fact that the seat behind us is occupied by a young baby whose idea of in-flight entertainment is crying. Loudly. For the last hour or so of the flight.

Eventually we touch ground in Kahului, Maui, and we disembark. There's a definite smoky smell in the air and we see small charred bits of something or other floating through the air; at first we're a bit concerned but later find out that it's pretty normal for this area of Maui -- the major crop here is sugar cane, and the farmers burn the crops as part of the harvesting process to get rid of the dry leaves and branches as well as eradicating any pests before the stalks are cut for processing. We find out much about sugar cane during our second day here.

After getting our luggage, Lucie waits while I pick up our reserved rental car -- on Maui it's a Jeep Compass that is large enough to handle our luggage and powerful enough to handle the mountain roads while at the same time being small enough to where I don't worry about running out of gas after driving twelve blocks. I also get a decent deal by comparison shopping using the Hawai'i-specific rental web site "Hawaii Drive-0", although to be honest I picked the site about as much for the clever name as I did for the deal as they offer.

After we're loaded and ready for the road, we head on out. Or first stop is at Maui Coffee Roasters, where we (of course!) buy some coffee to bring home, but where I also start my caffeine intake with a six-shot iced mocha ("I don't think we have a cup big enough for that much drink and ice" the barrista tells me doubtfully) and Lucie has a refreshing cola. Liquids replenished, we head off to our next stop -- Tasaka Guri-Guri.

Once again, freaky how my tie dye du jour matches the pic...

Guri-guri is a Hawai'ian invention, a sort of sherbet made with sweetened condensed milk. It was originally offered, so the story goes, to migrant Japanese farmworkers as "goody goodies", which was bastardized into guri-guri. Whatever the etymology, Tasaka is considered to be the best such joint on Maui, and while Lucie can't have much because of the dairy involved she's eager to try a little bit of whatever I have. The serving size is tiny, only a golf ball sized scoop of each flavor; but since it's got so much sugar that's fine with me. We both agree that the pineapple flavor is a little underwhelming, tasting more like orange to me than pineapple; but the strawberry flavor is very good -- light, fresh, strong, and very very sweet. As a bonus, I also see that they sell bags of One-Ton Chips, slightly sweet fried wonton chips to which I got severely addicted on our last trip to the Islands. I buy two bags, and tell myself I can ration myself. I also know that I'm lying to myself, and that I'll probably eat both bags before the day is done, but I'm willing to take that tasty, tasty risk.

From there, we drive a good way up the side of Haleakala before coming to our next destination, the Ali'i Kula Lavender Farm. It's cold, wet, and cloudy, and the last bit of road to the farm is a single lane of winding, shoulderless, pothole-riddled, crumbling asphalt that is not exactly a rare occurrence in Hawai'i. I'm more than a little relieved when we get there safely.


Once in the gift shop, we sample lavender infused tea, which is good; lavender infused coffee, which is weird but not terrible; lavender infused brownies, which are a little "soapy" but tasty; and lavender infused scones, which are delicious. As in, "best scone EVER" delicious. We also raid the store and buy soaps, lotions, herb rubs, teas, and other lavender products before heading further uphill, or upcountry as they say it here.

Our next stop is the Maui Winery, located at the Ulupalakua Ranch, which is in turn located right smack dab in the middle of NOWHERE. Seriously, the road here makes the road to the lavender farm look like Highway 280; it's 5.2 miles of pure butt-clenching terror road, still a single lane of winding, shoulderless, pothole-riddled, crumbling asphalt, but with the added fun of cliffs and -- I am NOT making this up -- a broken down vehicle blocking the road at one point, with someone directing traffic to go around. Finally, though, we do make it safely. It's shortly after lunchtime, so we make a stop at the cafe, where Lucie enjoys a very well made burger and I have steak chili over rice. I wouldn't be surprised if there were actually more steak in my chili than in Lucie's burger -- huge, tasty, perfectly cooked and just spicy enough to enhance the flavor without overpowering the quality of the beef. We both have bottles of water and I have an iced cappuccino just because the road here didn't make me jittery enough.

We head across the street to the winery, have a couple of samples, buy and arrange to have a few bottles shipped back home, and pick up some other assorted gifts before heading back down the mountain to our hotel. We check in to the Ka'anapali Beach Hotel and find that because Lucie mentioned it's our anniversary they gave us a free room upgrade as well as a bottle of champagne. It's an unexpected but very welcome gesture, and one which definitely reflects their motto of being "Hawaii's Most Hawaiian Hotel."

We get to our room (on the third floor of a building without an elevator, but the stairs are fairly shallow and the bellboys get our luggage upstairs to our room before we get there, so it's not a major problem. We snooze for a bit, taking advantage of the air conditioner and ceiling fan, then head downstairs to the hotel's outdoor restaurant for dinner.

Lucie has the beef tenderloin with caramelized Maui onions and mushrooms, while I choose the broiled mahimahi with a crab and Parmesan cheese topping. I also turn cheesy tourist for a moment and order the "Coco Loco", a combination of light and dark rum, vodka, creme de banana, pineapple juice, and coconut milk that comes in a souvenir coconut shell cup. Yeah, it's a bit goofy, but it makes me smile.

For that matter, so does the house band, a slack key guitar band that plays a combination of Hawaiian favorites as well as more classic tunes. We eat and drink and enjoy as they play everything from Vic Damone to Bon Jovi to classic rock to country... let me tell you, if you've never heard a Hawaiian slack key band play Freebird or I Walk the Line, you need to do so. It's not something you're likely to find on iTunes, that's for sure.

We listen for a while, then head up to our room for the night. We've got an early, early day tomorrow and we've been up since 3:30 this morning (plus three hours, including the time change), so we need all the shuteye we can get. Our first day in Hawai'i ends with the sound of the nearby ocean in our ears, the cool air from the fan blowing down on us, and the relaxed and happy knowledge that we're back in one of our favorite places in the world.

Aloha.

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Coming soon: Hawai'i 3.0, 2011 Version

Aloha folks,

A new set of blog posts about our latest trip to Hawai'i, coming soon!

Hawai'i 3.0.

No, Hawai'i 2K11.

No... HIMMXI?

Um, Hawai'i M'MXI?

HI 2K11?

Hawa1'1?

YES.

Hawa1'1, coming soon.

.

(Oh yeah, and there may not be any pictures for a while yet -- I'm writing these on my iPad and can't add images; they'll have to wait until I can dump everything onto the desktop and can edit the posts then. In the meantime... words, words, words.)

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< 1700 Calories, Daily

So as of mid-June, I've been on a diet. I'm using (of course!) an app on my iPhone to count calories eaten and exercised away, in addition to starting aqua aerobics classes and sessions with a personal trainer at our nearby Timpany Center (formerly Easter Seals.)

In order to reach my fairly modest initial goal of ~100 pounds weight loss by this time next year, my iPhone -- which I used to like just a little bit more before it started to crimp my hedonistic ways -- has put me on a diet of under 1700 calories per day. I honestly have no idea at all how many I used to consume before this, but judging by the celery-sucking I've been resorting to lately I'm guessing that's about a quarter of what I'm used to. I've gone from a double with cheese meal and spicy chicken nuggets at Wendy's to just a chicken sandwich... and let me tell you, that totally sucks.

Sort of.

I've lost a couple of inches on my waistline already, I can see space between my gut and the steering wheel when I'm driving, I've had to punch a new hole in my belt because it's too big for me now, and my knees aren't hurting me as much as they used to when I walk. So, obviously, that's a good thing. And frankly, I'll be happy when I stop hearing the occasional fat joke at work from coworkers who think it's okay to be insulting in a friendly way because I make fun of myself every once in a while (here's some insight: it's NOT okay. Those jokes DO hurt. Friendly insults are STILL insulting. And you're an ASSHOLE.)

So that part is definitely good. I'm trying to appreciate the Gardenburger as well as the 24-ounce ribeye, and the heated pool as well as the sofa. I haven't radically changed my ways, and I still plan on drinking and eating more than I should when we go to back to Hawai'i. I haven't hugged any trees lately, and I don't plan to any time soon. But I'd like to think I'm making progress.

So why now, you ask, when I've been huge for a long time? What was the crucial event that finally made the impetus strong enough to where I took action?

I don't know, really.

Maybe it was last November, when I mashed my foot and had to use a cane to get around because I'm too fat to just limp like a normal person. Maybe it's the fact that since then I've had to break out that same cane every month or two, because the osteoarthritis in my left knee caused by my weight has gotten so bad. Maybe now that I'm 40 years old I'm starting to think that it might be a good idea to aim for another 40 or more. Maybe I'm sick of having nothing to wear besides Hawaiian shirts and custom-made tie dye (not that there's anything wrong with those, mind you, but I remember being able to tuck in my shirts without embarrassment.) Maybe it's the article I read about the 300-pound dude who was able to lose so much weight, and my realization that my first thought about that was "Man, I remember back when I only weighed 300." Maybe it's the fat jokes. Maybe I'm getting sick of having to try several different rental cars before I find one where I can fit behind the wheel.

Maybe it's our upcoming 10th wedding anniversary, and my belief that we're still just getting started so I want to make it last.

Maybe I don't like thinking of Lucie as a widow.

Maybe it's all of the above.

And maybe it's about frickin' time.

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1 Long, Rambling (and Delinquently-Blogged) Weekend Trip, Not in San Jose

We've both been working pretty hard, and have had some fairly un-fun days at work recently, so we've felt the need to get away from home and work and everything else in San Jose that reminds us of home and work... and that resulted in our taking a couple of mini vacations several weekends back.

This particular weekend, I had Friday off (my work called it a "Spring holiday"; people at work were calling it Good Friday; but since I didn't have to work I was considering it a great Friday.) Lucie had to work, but she was able to arrange it so she could leave work early... and since it also happened to be Earth Day, what better way to celebrate the global effort to conserve and save our environment than to take a road trip?

We hadn't been up north and inland in many months, so we decide to drive up to Vacaville and see where our impulses take us (with both of us pretty much agreeing that at least a couple of those impulses would be casino-based, which if you know anything about us should come as absolutely no surprise.). We head out of town early afternoon, just in time to run into everyone else heading out of town early afternoon on a Friday, and end up taking a slow leisurely drive along with about three hundred thousand other people up 680 toward Pleasanton; then with two hundred thousand people up to Walnut Creek; and then with only a hundred thousand or so the rest of the way to Fairfield, where we make our first stop of the day at the Jelly Belly factory.

Immediately, I start to realize that this may have been a mistake... not because I regret wanting quality tasty fruity processed sugars, and not because I suddenly have a change of character and decide not to spoil my coworkers with free goodies, and not because I don't want to continue our tradition of stopping by here every time we go through Fairfield; but because MAYBE it's not exactly the SMARTEST idea ever to stop by a JELLY BEAN FACTORY on the Friday just before EASTER.

Hordes of children and their traumatized, beleaguered, deafened, twitching, and otherwise thoroughly defeated parents are already inside the Jelly Belly Factory store; waiting (not very) patiently in line for the free tour of the facility; running from free sample to free sample in an effort to establish a sugar rush that will last through the weekend; bolting screaming from the store in horror and fear that one's clothes will get stained by blood and food coloring after being trampled by more tiny feet than the time that scholastic equipment manufacturer had to recall all those out-of-spec rulers. You know how it is.

Anyway, I bravely brave the throng of tykes and forcibly force my way to the display of "Belly Flops" (misshapen beans that still taste yummy but wouldn't win the Miss Jelly Belly pageant), handily hand my haul to the cashier, adverbly verb my way back to the car; and then we continue on our way to Vacaville.

Oh, by the way... new flavor of Jelly Belly that I discover: chili mango. Freakin' awesome.

We get to Vacaville, check in to the hotel, and head off to our non-casino-based spending destination, namely, the outlet mall conveniently located directly across the street from where we're staying. I opt to stay away from Harry & David's since I had just bought 15 pounds of Belly Flops not 30 minutes ago, but Lucie reacquaints herself with Lane Bryant and some other clothing stores where she helps the local economy recover in her favorite way.

After proudly displaying her retail conquests, we head up to Cache Creek Technically Also a Resort But Really Mostly a Casino for dinner. Casino eating means a buffet, so we make our way slowly toward the buffet located strategically at the rear of the casino, playing cautiously and in a thrifty manner right up until we get separated, at which point I start feeding the machines twenty dollar bills like they're goats at a petting zoo.

The machines are like goats. Not twenty dollar bills like goats.

That would be weird.

We eat dinner, then slowly work our way back out of the casino, once again feeding the machines bills (only this time like I'm an old woman feeding pigeons in Central Park -- I've got a system) until we reach the safety of the elevators. We get caught up for a while in front of a vampire-themed machine, but still manage to escape the beast with some money in pocket (Lucie of course having more in hers than I do in mine.)

We return to the hotel, spend the night in blissful slumber dreaming of recouping our losses, and the next morning we head further up highway 80 past Sacramento and Folsom until we get to Apple Hill in Placerville.

Well, okay... so we actually go past Placerville and up to Red Hawk Casino first and gamble some more, but really, the results are remarkably similar to yesterday's trip to Cache Creek Technically Also a Resort But Really Mostly a Casino. Maybe it's a fishing themed game instead of vampires this time, but bloodsucker, sucker fish -- whatevs; no need to rehash. So, skipping the gambling palace and on to the domestic Malus.

It's sort of between apple seasons right now but Boa Vista has a fruit stand open all year so we stop by. We get some Arkansas Black apples on sale (just past season so they're a bit old but serviceable), some unfiltered apple cider (with plans of French onion soup on our mind), and blackberry honey; and then we go to the adjoining bakery where we get some apple-themed carbs (fritter, cookie, donut, turnover) for snacking on the way home.

The Arkansas Black apples are tasty but a little mealy, the cider is of course destined for drinking out of a glass instead of soup but refreshing nonetheless, the apple-themed carbs range from good to heavy on the apple and good, the blackberry honey is as yet unopened, and we both arrive back home with less money, more calories, and a fun lost weekend.

And reliving all of this makes me want apples again. Dang.

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A "2" on My Tech (and Pain in My Wallet)

So, anybody who knows me also knows that I have very little willpower when it comes to turning down shiny new toys... especially if said toys are designed in Cupertino, and/or manufactured at Foxconn in China, and/or have an "i" at the beginning of the name, and/or are presented at a media gathering by a guy in a black turtleneck, and/or are thin, and light, and fast, and glossy, and expensive, and/or are comprised of equal parts Gorilla Glass and aluminum and AWESOME, and/or are hard to get, which only makes me want them more.

Didn't hurt that I just got a bonus check from my job.

Didn't help, either; cuz once it burns that hole in my pocket, that money's gotta go somewhere. May as well help fund Apple's plans for World Domination and Technological Enhancement, so part of that bonus went for an iPad 2.

But, dang, Apple sure didn't make it easy.

I waited in line for two hours early morning on the first Saturday it was available, as did a few hundred other people. Even made it up to third from the front of the line before they told me they were completely sold out for the day, and to try again.

Got up early the week after, and was too late again for the Apple Store at Valley Fair. I had the sad technogeeky urge for a road trip, but the Apple Store in Palo Alto was also sold out, as was the Apple Store at the Stanford Shopping Center, as was the Apple Store in Los Gatos, as was the Apple Store at Oakridge Mall, where in desperation I bought a black leather iPad cover in anticipation for when I finally did get my hands on one (because I'd gone to five different Apple Stores, dagnabbit; I was gonna buy SOMETHING.)

At some point, I developed the habit of whipping out my iPhone and checking the availability of iPads at stores nearby, or at work on my lunch break, or really pretty much any time I wasn't driving; however, the results were always the same. Target? Sold out at the ten closest stores. Fry's Electronics? Sold out. Best Buy? Sold out, and there was a three week waiting list. Walmart? Uh, no.

Both Lucie and I got up early once again the Saturday after that, since as part of my birthday present she wanted to make sure I could get the iPad that had me so enthralled... and so she could get the old iPad for her own, but mostly for me, to feed my inner -- and whiny and insistent and more than slightly pathetic -- geek. However, even though we got to the Apple Store before 7:00 AM, the large line of people who had gotten into line as early as 2:00 AM was long enough that they were sold out AGAIN.

At that point, I just gave up and did what I probably should gave done from the very beginning, and just ordered the dang thing online. So, of course...

This last Saturday, Lucie and I decided to take a small road trip up to the Cache Creek Indian casino, since I wasn't able to find an iPad and I just had to spend our hard earned money somehow (remember the part about my pocket and a hole having been burned?). Just for the heck of it and to humor me because she knew I'd been looking, Lucie decided to use her iPhone to check for Target store availability in the cities we drove through.

In San Ramon, she hit paydirt. Two iPads left, in the exact configuration I wanted!

Seriously, I hadn't geeked out so much since I recognized Cake's Short Skirt, Long Jacket as the theme song for the TV show Chuck. Squealing like a teenage girl crossed with a dialing and connecting modem (remember those?), I got off the freeway, maybe potentially just possibly broke a few traffic laws trying to follow the directions on Google Maps, and after a brief panicked moment where I thought we were lost, found the driveway and pulled into the Target store parking lot.

They had two left and no line of people waiting, we didn't have our Target Card with us but were able to open a new credit line to save 5%, we bought both with my brilliant idea of flipping the second one on eBay for a quick profit, headed home and on the way remembered how lazy I am so decided to return the second iPad to a more local Target the next day (with the entertaining mental image of announcing out loud that we were returning an iPad to see if we could start a riot of people trying to get it like we'd heard about from the great Teddy Ruxpin Riots of the mid-1980s [or the Tickle Me Elmo Riots of the mid-1990s if you don't want to feel as old as I am]), got home and unwrapped the box and hooked it up and OMG OMG OMG I HAVE AN IPAD I HAVE AN IPAD IPAD IPAD IPAD IPADIPADIPAD

...sorry. Got kind of carried away for a second there. Better now.

IPADIPADIPADIPADokay, so maybe not.

I have an iPad 2.

And we still have one on order from Apple; probably should cancel that order. Or...

OMG OMG OMG

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40 Years Old, in San Jose

Holy CRAP, I'm old. When did that happen?!

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Five-0, in Hawai'i

So I suppose it's not exactly a huge surprise that Lucie and I are watching the remake of Hawai'i Five-0... it's a remake of a retro show, it's got Daniel Dae Kim in it, and it's all about one of our two favorite U.S. States. It's a fun action show with good amounts of comedy, witty lines, shave ice, beautiful scenery, and things that go bo'om.

So, there's that.

And I'm also willing to admit that maybe it's not exactly the best example of intelligent writing out there, but we've got Bones and reruns of Numb3rs for that; and it's not a wacky and fun comedy, for which we have Modern Family and How I Met Your Mother; and while it's a crime show we already have Psych and Mexico: One Plate at a Time; and it's possible I'm not too good at pigeonholing shows into their proper genre. Psych should totally be in the wacky and fun comedy. And it's also possible that we watch a bit too much tv.

But back to Five-0.

As mentioned, it's not the best comedy, or crime drama, or brain stimulant; but I'll stick with the opinion that it's the best combination of the three that's set in Hawai'i (because Burn Notice is also a good multiple-genre show but it's set in Miami, and Chuck has dibs on the Left Coast, and I already admitted we watch too much tv.). We can watch the show and enjoy the action and the clever lines, and every few minutes we can say to each other, "Man, we miss Hawai'i.". Or "Just look at how clear that water is!" Or "Where can I get one of those Waiola Shave Ice shirts?" Or even "So did Daniel Dae Kim just relocate to Hawai'i completely, or what?"

And it's also educational programming, because we can even learn new things by watching the show, such as Honolulu's crime rate is so high it's like the Oakland of the Pacific (except for the rioting -- my mental image of a Hawai'ian riot would go "Heck no, we won't... ooh! Shrimp truck!"); or that apparently Korean is the new Chinese; or it's just got to be mathematically impossible for so many people to be bobbing in the water with all of those surfers and not to have at least a dozen or two fiberglass-to-head collisions per day, 'cuz that's just crazy.

And I can also learn that Windows is throwing TONS of money into their product placement. Last episode, for example, Chin Ho tells his cousin Kono to "Bing it" when talking about an artist, and there follows a blatant scene of her whipping out her Windows Mobile phone (Microsoft's competition to Apple's iOS and Google's Android) and doing a search on Bing (Microsoft's competition to Google's Google.). Saw basically the same thing on the latest Bones as well, with a Tempe POV of her Windows Mobile phone.

Now, I don't have any real issue with product placement -- I've noticed that McGarret sports an iPhone 4 and they use an iPad at Five-0 HQ, and Chuck is an Apple fanboy who eats at Subway -- but this one's little over the top, isn't it? An extended scene with a main character's POV of the Windows Mobile screen and their search engine is bad enough, but i just can't overlook the egregious usage of "Bing" as a verb.

Bing is not a verb! It hasn't been around long enough to evolve into a verb, and throwing tons of money into advertising doesn't count. That's like the business version of genetically modified food, except that I don't really have an issue with genetically modified food. Let's call it more like the business version of Pleather.

Oh, and if you haven't heard of Pleather before... Google it.

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6 Reasons to Not Be a Vegetarian (...In My Opinion)

So I've been noticing that my entries have been starting to focus as much on food as on activities, which isn't really all that surprising.  After all, looking at me and my godlike physique (I'm of course referring to the god Bacchus) one can safely assume I'm more inclined to eating than to other more active activities.  More forkful than snorkel; more hork than hike; more likely to break fast than geocache; more likely to snarf than to do something active that sort of rhymes with "snarf"; that's me.

So, to that end, I'm listing here for my enjoyment (and possibly yours; but let's be honest -- if this blog were for YOUR enjoyment I'd try harder to post here more often) some of the top meals involving meaty goodness that I've had, where I've had them, and other items of interest.  As my Yelp! profile says, I am a carnesseuir, and while I've enjoyed my share of vegetarian meals (Indian dishes coming immediately to mind) I really prefer meals involving something that had parents.  Heirloom tomatoes don't cut it.  Heirloom tomato slices on a big honkin' burger, on the other hand, are acceptable.

#6: AJ Spur's, Buellton, CA
I'll be honest -- this is a decent steakhouse, but it's more about the quantity than the quality here.  I mean, the steaks are pretty darn good, but the beef is elevated as it's propped up substantially by baked beans, a large salad, side dishes larger than DeNiro's resume, huge drinks in gimmick light-up glasses shaped like boots (Ooh -- LEDs!), and an after-dinner aperitif to make the drive home more exciting; all served quickly by friendly staff as you sit beneath enough stuffed animal heads to make PETA riot.

The Solvang area is known for the quaint Danish village and for Andersen's Pea Soup (and -- at least for us -- for the Chumash Indian casino only minutes away), but AJ Spur's is one of the places we visit when we're down this way.  Not quite good enough to make the Top 5, but good enough to be mentioned.

#5: Texas Roadhouse, Union City, CA
Yes, this is a restaurant chain, but don't let that stop you from trying this place out.  Very high quality steaks (Lucie prefers the New York, while I opt for the ribeye) that come in sizes ranging from a petite 12-ounce to Let's-Flip-The-Flintstones'-Car huge, cooked very simply and very well (although in my case, "very well" means "rare"), with two large sides, yeast rolls that are frighteningly addictive especially with the accompanying honey butter, buckets (literally!) of roasted peanuts in the shell, and margaritas that come in glasses the size of shot puts (and almost as dangerous.)

A hint if you go here -- order the sweet potato loaded with brown sugar and toasted marshmallows.  Save it for last and eat it for dessert.

#4: QN4U, Clovis, CA
Okay, I've only been here once, but my brother-in-law swears by this place (and even has a table with his name on it -- a nice brass plaque showing both their appreciation and his obsession nicely.)  The one time I was here, though, I had the "Texas Tommie", a meal that frightened my wife, astonished onlookers, entertained the heck out of me, made angioplasty centers within a hundred and twenty mile radius perk up expectantly, and quite possibly caused a disturbance in the Force.

It's a foot-long hot dog, stuffed with jalapeño peppers and cheddar cheese, wrapped in bacon and deep fried, and smothered with onions, bell peppers, more jalapeños, and spicy brown mustard.  It overflows one's buns in more ways than one, and when paired with the macaroni and cheese is NOT a meal for the health conscious or faint of heart.

I want another one, but I think I'm not allowed to by anyone who knows and loves me.

#3: Samba Brazilian Steakhouse, Las Vegas, NV
I'll be honest -- I don't remember too much specifically about this place, since we last went in 2006, but other Brazilian churrascarias we've visited since then (a nonaffiliated Samba in Fresno and Maceio in San Jose) have been about as good; it's as much about the concept as it is about the specific eatery for this one.  An impressive/daunting assortment of freshly grilled meats is continuously toured throughout the restaurant, and you can pick and choose as you like until you're well past sated and verging on explosively full.  The Samba in Las Vegas had sirloin, roast pork and pineapple, Huli Huli style chicken, monkfish, turkey, sausage and peppers, bacon wrapped chicken, and some pretty darn succulent lamb; the Fresno variant had both garlic chicken and parmesan chicken which were fantastic; Maceio in San Jose countered with bacon-wrapped filet mignon, chipotle spiced short ribs, and awesome grilled pineapple dusted with cinnamon.

Maceio is closest to us; Samba in Vegas was from my memory the tastiest; but so far I haven't had a bad meal at a churrascaria yet.  They're expensive, they're extravagant, and they're only really cost-effective if you overeat in excess; but they're pretty darn groovy chow as well.  And what happens in Vegas, sometimes gets blogged about.

#2: Hot City BBQ, Los Baños, CA
This should be rightly listed as #1 on my list, but Alexander's wins by the obscure You-Can't-Compete-With-Kobe ruling.  In all other categories, though, I'm going with Hot City.

Incredibly friendly staff, tiny hole-in-the-wall atmosphere, a great combination of spicy and sweet in their barbecue sauce, and very nicely cooked meats.  The pulled pork is moist and full of flavor, the chicken tastes just like grilled chicken, the ribs vary from above average to excellent, the French dip sandwiches are excellent (Lucie likes the tri-tip French dip; I prefer the prime rib variant), the hot links are spicy and flavorful without being so hot you can't enjoy the flavor, and the steak is flat-out incredible.

It's a generous cut ribeye, cooked to perfection (for me, a nicely seared Pittsburgh rare) and served still sizzling with a baked potato, surprisingly gourmet salad, and a few pieces of grilled French bread; seasoned very simply with salt and a sprinkle of parsley on top, they allow the meat itself to have all the spotlight, and rightfully so.

Use the bread as a sponge to soak up the leftover meat juices when you're done, use the fat you remove from the steak to flavor the baked potato, and -- I cannot stress this enough -- keep coming back here to eat.  A small hole in the wall restaurant, hidden from the main thoroughfare, without much signage showing the location; this place is a hidden gem that deserves to survive, and prosper, and grow.  And keep providing us with the top-notch beefy awesome we've grown to love.

#1: Alexander's Steakhouse, Cupertino, CA
Still the most expensive meal we've ever had, and still one of the best as well; we haven't gone back since our first visit in June 2007 but still remember this place fondly.  We keep making plans to go back, but for one reason or another the plans have fallen through, and that's a shame.

I mean, the fact that we haven't returned has definitely been kinder on our finances, but sometimes being incredibly overly extravagant is totally worth the months of ramen that follow.
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